Tuesday, May 1, 2007


Although there are many species on our planet, only one is dominant. All the lesser kinds of creatures do their best to please the dominant species. They treat it with respect, live for it and even die for it.

At least they would, were they only able to agree which of the many species is the dominant one.

Each species (except for two) believes that it is the ruler of the earth. Most even have proofs to their claim: Humans, for instance, are sure that they are dominant, because they do a great job at destroying the ecology. The dogs, on the other hand, claim that the humans are their slaves, since the humans always feed and take care of them. The fish, however, cover most of the planet's surface, which (to those with fish brains) is a spectacular and unquestionable proof. The elephants are the biggest land mammals, but if it weren’t for the cows, grass would consume the entire world.

The true dominant species is, of course, the germ. Germs are everywhere, and they do whatever they want to do
[1]. Oddly enough, the germs have no idea that they are the dominant species. In fact, germs have no idea that such things as “species” even exist. It is quite ironic that the only true ruling creature is one of the two that don’t claim the grand title.

The second is named artashastra. These creatures look like this:

They don’t look exactly like that, of course, because the drawing is two-dimensional and small enough to fit in this book, whereas a real artashastra is three-dimensional and is much larger[2]. Real artashastras are also reddish, and don’t have outlines, and aren’t made out of ink.

There are also several features that the drawing does not show. For example, the ear-holes of the artashastra grow along back of the neck. The nostrils, too, are not seen in the picture; they are located in the artashastra’s armpits. (This causes a lot of suffering to any artashastra who sweats, so the creatures exercise as seldom as possible.)

The artashastras used to imitate humans in a time long gone, until they ate some human food that nearly wiped them out. Nowadays they wish to have nothing to do with humans, and live as far from them as possible. The artashastras dwell deep beneath the bottom of the oceans, in tunnels they dug with the use of magic. Today they live happily in their subterranean kingdom, eating nothing but seaweed, which they find to be very healthy and even somewhat tasty.

There was once an artashastra who answered to the name of Xiapo Yellip Zump.

[1] Which is to float around, multiply, float around some more, multiply again, do some damage to whatever animal is hosting them, float around and multiply again. Pretty dull life, considering the fact that this is the dominant species we are talking about.
[2] If you wanted to fit an artashtra into a book, you’d have to have an elephant dropped on him or her from a great hight. Then you’d have to find someone really strong to fold what’s left of the artashastra into an even smaller mess. Problem is, such an artashastra would look even less like a normal one than the above drawing.